Sam

I've loved a lot in my life. I love to love and I love to be loved. But I have only been in love 2 times in my life. The first time was with my ex-husband and I loved him more then I thought possible. It took me many months to fall in love with him and it took me many years to realize I was alone in that love. It broke my heart and made my life feel empty. I will always carry the scars of my marriage with me forever but they will not be a negative defining factor in my life. The second time I fell in love it was fast, within a few weeks of meeting him. It was love in it's purest form. It is an unconditional love that miraculously was reciprocated with the same amount of passion and acceptance. It was in a word Beautiful.

From start to finish it was filled with respect and acceptance and understanding.

His name was Sam. Being with him was a life changing experience and one I will remember forever. I met him on October 8th. We had our first date in a Bar and played pool and talked. We then proceeded to walk around the neighborhood for the next 4hrs. Our date started at 8pm and ended at 3am. It was the best first date I have ever been on. And I've been on some amazing first dates! The difference between those and this one was the fact that the chemistry was immediate! When I walked in and he saw me he literally dropped the chalk and his mouth fell open. I'll admit I was attracted to him right away and that only grew as the night went on. He has these broad shoulders, strong arms, great legs, and a very handsome smile, with a hint of a dimple in his right cheek. His hair somehow looked messy and exactly the way it was supposed to look and he would periodically brushed it back with his right hand.  I was nervous but as soon as we started talking that dissipated and I was so at ease. We learned more about each other that night then most people learn about someone else in months or years. It was open and honest and accepting. We told each other  about our "baggage" and our faults, our families and our hope and dreams. We shared things I haven't shared with anyone before. He was so amazing and kind. I've never felt more free with another person. From there our relationship grew rapidly. Every time we spent time together it was perfect. We are both goofy and would laugh until we cried, we would have deep conversations, we would go out and try new things together. We would work out together, we would listen to music and go to concerts, we would make food together. The simple and mundane became fun and exciting. Being in a relationship with him was as natural as breathing. Over time we found out that we had so many things in common but that we also had very different views on many things. The difference between us where very prominent. The biggest one and the one that caused things to end was God. He didn't believe in him and I did. We knew from the beginning that was going to be our biggest challenge and that is was something that could cause our relationship to end.

Because he didn't believe in God he made life style choices that I was not comfortable with. We disagreed on many of them but somehow it wasn't as big a deal to me as it normally would have been. Part of this I am sure was because of the way he made me feel. With him I felt beautiful, womanly, sweet, strong, intelligent, and brave. I felt like a better version of myself. He really did bring out the best in me. I became addicted to him in every sense of the word. He was my version of a drug and I constantly wanted more and the thought of not having him in my life was incomprehensible.  I saw who he was and loved him all the more for it. Whats more is that I respected him. That is not something I say about many people. Who knew a girl like me would want to be with someone so different in so many ways but there I was falling head over heals for this man. I was happier then I had been in years and it was such a glorious feeling.

When we did decide to breakup it was hard and there where lots of tears from both of us but somehow it was just as beautiful an experience as the rest of out relationship had been. It was a long breakup and I think we both needed to wean ourselves off each other. We both knew that things would not workout in the long run because of how we lived and how we wanted to live our lives but somehow that did make either of us lesser. It made us both better. We both where able to see things for what they where and face it together by deciding to not be together. I learned so much from Sam and will always think of him as one of the best men I've ever known. I will remember our relationship as beautiful and wonderful. I am thankful that it was never tainted with regret or hurt or anger. It was only beautiful from start to finish. How lucky am I that I was able to experience that! 

I don't know what the next chapter of my life will be but because of Sam I no longer fear falling in love and allowing myself to be loved. I look forward to a time when it will be right and it will be wonderful!
Thank you Sam
Love A